V i a's
i can't run
doctors orders
i can swim though
i actually need to
swim
i got a lecture today
from COACH
telling me i'm too
lazy
i'm not doing anything
and he's always
pushing pushing pushing
and lately
i think he's right
i've been like that my
whole life
more so this year
i'm still trying to
figure myself out
half of the stuff i'm
doing i don't even want to do
i'm not motivated to
do anything
and i can see my life
slipping through my fingers
and swirling away down
the drain
and i'm scared that
once i wake up
from this
i'll be an old granny
who has gone no where
in life
but even though i know
that
i'm so unmotivitated
to push myself harder
even outside
motivation doesn't help
i need a fighting
cause
but i'm super cynical
i over analyze
everything
even myself
i tear everything to
pieces
trying to figure out
why
and while i'm
daydreaming
or trying to figure it
all out
i'm wasting my time
and once more
a little bit more time
and life
slips away
and i'm so tired
of it all
of it all
it's like i'm burnt
out
i've been spun so much
that i don't have
treads anymore
but then again
i'm just wallowing in
my own self pity
i need to suck it up
and tread on
to get through the day
it's one step in front
of the other
but again
many others
have gone through
things much tougher than me
and they keep going
and are succesful
i need to hunger i
think
i need to go through
something truly painful
i need something
i need to see a change
quick
and i'm ranting now
because
i've kept pent up
all this time
and i'm bursting out
cause i need help and
ideas
and i have no clue
what to do anymore
it's like i'm watching
from the outside
like my life is a
movie
it's not really real
i think i've got a
mental block
like no matter what i
do nothing will change
that was depressing
but again
even when i try hard i
don't give it my best
and again
i don't get the
results i want
and i start moping
even though i don't
give it 100% all the time
and the thing is
i don't know
and i need help
but i need someone
who i can trust
who i can talk to
without judgment
i'm so sick of it all
i just need ideas
i need to step out
of the chasm
i'm so dramatic
i sicken myself
haha
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